O Poste

Oi gente!
Sumi né?
Pois é... Esse doutorado acaba com as pessoas.
(Pois a culpa é minha e eu a boto em quem eu quiser! Eeeeeeeeeeeeee.)
Acho que vou mudar a ênfase do blog daqui a algum tempo. Ninguém lê mesmo. Então. Whatever. Feliz natal. haha.
Anyway, isto é algo que escrevi mais de dez anos atrás.... em 2001... quando tinhas meus 14 aninhos e estava na 8a série, se não me engano.
Sobre como às vezes ignoramos coisas tão essenciais e despercebidas na nossa vida.
Enjoy!

O Poste

Novembro de 2001

Um poste, tão sozinho na rua

Sem companhia, sob a lua,

Sonhando com a luz eterna

Sonhando com o Universo

Sozinho e iluminando sempre

Aqueles que desprezam ele

Mas ele sente-se sozinho

No Universo - um só "ele".

"Elbereth, Criador, Por quê?!

Por que não posso ser feliz?!

Por quê, por quê, ó Deus, POR QUÊ?!!!"-

Mas nada vai acontecer.

E tudo vai continuar assim

E ele vai viver sozinho.

E vão as noites, os dias vão,

Mas ele fica no final.

Swansong

Esta é uma letra que escrevi para uma música da Kumiho... a dona do Resmoneios Randômicos aí do lado. A melodia é linda, e ela merecia uma letra legal.
A idéia é um bardo velho contando a sua vida às pessoas em volta da fogueira. E cada verso dela refrete algo que eu já senti, vivi ou presenciei... em alguns casos metaforicamente, em outros literalmente. 


The Swan's Song - fev 2010
Tell me, when you stand at the first step of a journey
Do you know all the paths that you'll take?
For now I am here, at the end of my road.


And looking behind,
At the roads that I have travelled, 
The battles fought under the sun and the rain


I think of you who will hear my song
My rhymes are true, now, hear my song


For now I will sing about shadows in the night
And of light that shines
Light of our honor and love


===============


I saw the death of all hopes in the night
Waiting for sunrise


I saw despair that lurked like a beast
Betrayal hiding in good deeds


Love that endured without chance though the years
Sometimes it was doomed to die
Oft it lived forevermore
And in its light I saw many things shine.

Leaves on the trees and the stars up in the sky
Their light, seen through the crowns
Breaks through the darkness of night

I saw the stars whose light gave us warmth
And from their warmth bravery came forth

People whose faces will face us from the crowd
They pass and they leave, all their stories remaining untold

===================

Weakened and tired, without strength, without hope
Never do give up
These are my words, this is all I can say to you
In this song,
In my life
Now I'm going to rest.

Some things never change...

This is something I wrote long ago. In the day I but dreamed of becoming a biologist. But somehow it makes sense right now. Not the precise words, but the meaning behind them. I kinda represents some events of last one or two years.

Falling - 16 dez 2004


Critical damage on a meaningless strike,
Critical failure on active defenses...
The will fin'lly broken, there shall be no healing
Perchance only Estë could help him right now...


The western light fading, the stars growing weaker
Immortal land - far away it's not for me...
A totally broken man, a dreamless daydreamer
The future is hopeless, just sorrow I see...


A critical strike when defences were zero,
The poison still flows through my veins...

And other feelings, strong and bright, may not be ever quite the same...

Aeee tá terminado! :)
Eu não achei o final muito bom. Mas estou com aquela sensação de que este poema tá completo, sabem? Todas as estrofas foram escritas, a mensagem é relativamente clara, e a ordem das estrofes tá fazendo sentido.
O mais complicado nele foi colocar as estrofes numa ordem fluida... Eu escrevi elas uma estrofe por vez, e acho que elas não fizeram um todo. São como se fossem dois a quatro poemas independentes, rs. Mas, é o que é.
Depois disso eu normalmente anotaria ele no meu caderno de poesias, mas meu caderno de poesias acabou... rs

*** - 22/6 - 9/7/2011

...An awkward feeling: to miss a feeling
That once you struggled to erase...
And somehow trying to regain it,
Though knowing it is bound to fail...


Those feelings that I deemed eternal -
Their memory begins to fade
"My one true love", as once I called her
Yet somehow, nothing does remain?


So strange and empty in this room now
With her, but, alas, not that feel
No rapid heartbeat, louder breathing
No silly smiles on my face...


With her, and trying to remember
The way I felt not long ago
Could it have faded - once, forever,
Like water on a sandy floor?...


I knew a part of me would die -
And so it happened, now it seems.
And other feelings, strong and bright
May not be ever quite the same...


There never was a real chance. Yet, somehow
It seems to be so very wrong
To let it die, like this, forgotten
Beneath the melting snow...

Ainda em formação...

...An awkward feeling: to miss a feeling
That once you struggled to erase...
And somehow trying to regain it
Though knowing it is bound to fail...


For there has never been a chance. Yet, somehow
It seems to be so very wrong
To let it die, like this, forgotten
Under the melting snow...


...


These feelings that I deemed eternal -
Their memory begins to fade
"My one true love", as once I called her
Yet somehow, nothing does remain?

I knew a part of me would die -
And so it happened, now it seems
(...)

So strange and empty in this room now
With her, but, alas, not that feel
No rapid heartbeat, louder breathing
No silly smiles on my face...

With her, and trying to remember
The way I felt not (so?) long ago
Could it have faded - once, forever?
Like water on a sandy floor?

For it was great and undeclared
So has it faded into nigh?

Poema ainda em formação

Lendo a última postagem no Collant Azul Royal (http://collantazulroyal.blogspot.com/2011/07/amores.html), de repente fiquei inspirado para escrever mais um trecho. Fiquei inspirado basicamente pela última frase da postagem - "Até mesmo porque, talvez nos restem somente as histórias." Aí escrevi mais uma estrofe e meia, mas acho que vou tirar a meia-estrofe. Ela não combina com o restante do poema.
Houve uma época em que eu escrevia quatro, seis, oito estrofes de uma vez e nunca mais mexia naquela obra, mas não mais.


...



These feelings that I deemed eternal -
Their memory begins to fade
"My one true love", as once I called her
Yet somehow, nothing does remain?




I knew a part of me would die -
And so it happened, now it seems
(...)




So strange and empty in this room now
With her, but, alas, not that feel
No rapid heartbeat, louder breathing
No stupid smiles on my face...


With her, and trying to remember
The way I felt not (so?) long ago
Could it have faded - once, forever?
Like water on a sandy floor?


For it was great and undeclared
So has it faded into nigh?
...

Poema em formação

Decidi fazer algo que nunca tinha feito: colocar um poema incompleto, nas fases iniciais de criação, e ir postando novamente à medida que vou completando ele. Esses trechos eu escrevi umas duas semanas atrás, num estado de depressão semi-profunda. É interessante como as melhores poesias saem destes estados, não? Provavelmente boa parte do que tá aqui não estará presente na versão final....


***


These feelings that I deemed eternal -
Their memory begins to fade
"My one true love", as once I called her
Yet somehow, nothing does remain?


I knew a part of me would die -
And so it happened, now it seems
(...)


So strange and empty in this room now
With her, but, alas, not that feel
No rapid heartbeat, louder breathing
No stupid smiles on my face...

Song of Life

Now, this is very old. I mean, very old. I wrote it in 2004. It doesn't say anything, really. Just a random poem, maybe to become a song one day. The Song of Life, though I never sang such a song as this poem describes...

Song of Life - sometime in 2002

So I began to sing the song

About them all, about it all

About our love, about our hates,

About the truth I've always known.

The song appeared just by itself:

What did I sing? – I had no clue

But I just sang, and it appeared,

And it became my Song of Truth.

The song - it flew, it flew away,

Above the hills, beyond the sea.

My friends heard it - they understood,

What I ment singing – yes, they knew

For they had known it through their lives...

The song appeared beyoud my thought -

The way the true art does appear.

But then – it was forever lost,

I sang it once – just once, however.

The Song of Life - the Song of Truth,

It ended soon after its start.

And never was it sung again,

For it was lost within my mind.

And it has been the best I've made,

But no one ever wrote it down,

For it had passed beyond the sea,

And it had passed beyond the dawn,

To where, maybe, elves still live

And where dwarves in stones still carve.

De Angband, das masmorras frias, para a luz de Valinor...

Existem coisas... pessoas... sentimentos.... que simplesmente merecem ser relatadas em poesia. Porque não há outra forma para relatá-las; ao menos não uma que eu conheça. E eu não sei se eu devia postar isso... Mas... Como diz a descrição do blog, a poesia não deve ficar escondida nas profundezas de um disco rígido...

12-27 / março / 2011

Nos versos livres de um skald

Palavras voam, como penas

E, como flautas ao luar,

Ecoam, vivas, sobre as terras

Tal igual um skald antigo

Irei em versos escrever

Pra expressar o que eu sinto

E, por que não?, agradecer

Por, pelo acaso ou pelo destino

Ter tido a chance de te encontrar

E descobrir não ter perdido

A capacidade de amar

Pois, mesmo não correspondido,

Tal sentimento me guiou

De Angband, das masmorras frias

Para a luz de Valinor

Ele nasceu inesperado,

Um canto ao alvorecer

E, como uma flor no campo,

Guiado pela sua voz, cresceu

Cresceu pelo prazer de ter crescido,

Ter se tornado parte do meu ser

Pois poderá este amor ser esquecido?

Nas areias do tempo, irá esvaecer?

Momentos de tristeza foram poucos;

Momentos de euforia tive mais

E desde a primeira vez que eu te vi, aquela noite,

O som da sua fala e o sorriso no olhar -

Meu sentimento se manteve sempre forte,

Estremecer as suas bases nenhuma força foi capaz.

A nossa amizade, pura, verdadeira -

Que mais um simples skald irá querer?

E confiança mútua, tão simples, derradeira

Que, como uma estrela, eu vi nascer, crescer...

O tempo - será pouco? Mas é também eterno

Pois há momentos - dias, meses - que não se pode esquecer

Aquela dança; e as longas horas de conversa

Sentado ao seu lado, olhando o céu escurecer...

Momentos imortais me deram força na fraqueza

No desespero - ânimo, luz na escuridão

De Angband, das masmorras negras, da frieza

Guiaram-me por trilhas para deixar a dor

Guiaram-me; aonde? - Dizer não sei ainda.

Pois deverão as trilhas ter sempre um final?

Mais que o fim, o que importa é o caminho

E este, com certeza, foi o melhor que há.

Caminho sem um fim - só sendo verdadeiro,

Consigo mesmo, e com o que é seu.

E, mesmo que houvessem erros,

Escolhas que era melhor não fazer,

Acima de tudo, eles foram sinceros...

E isso é tudo que posso escrever.

...

Dizer não sei se estas rimas

Puderam tudo expressar

Pois mesmo skalds em tempos idos

Em versos nem sempre souberam passar

Aquilo que homens e deuses sentiram,

E a amizade invicta, imortal

Mas que outras formas teremos pra isso,

Se meras palavras são poucas demais?...

I have to leave...

Some songs just deserve to be translated. It made me cry the first time I heard it, and it made me cry again and again and again.
There are many version of this songs on the Web. This versions shows what this song is about even to one not versed in Russian. And below is an attempt to translate it...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klvD9R7dLyQ&feature=related

The swinging trees
A silver river flowing down
Along the stream
A boy is walking with his gal
They walk alone
their steps becoming ever slow
Along his cheak
A sudden tear from nowhere flows


I have to leave
The boy said in the midst his tears
But wait for me
I promise, soon I'll be back here
And so he left; 
And without meeting his first spring
He came back home. 
Inside a darkened soldier grave.


His mother cries
His father's standing like a shade
How can this be?
He's just a little boy to them
And, oh, how many
Of them, whose live had just begun
Returned back home
Inside their graves, so cold and dark.


He, just like you
Walked with his girl on moonlit nights
He gave her flowers
And sang her songs on his guitar
And even when
He fell upon the cold white snow
With his own blood
He wrote her name upon that snow 


The wind will blow
The fumes away from shattered lands
That girls of his
Already has another friend
The girl who said,
Who promised she was going to wait
The spring arrived
The name upon the snow did melt


The swinging trees
A silver river flowing down
Along the stream
A boy is walking with his gal
They walk alone
Their mind is filled with spring and joy
Along her cheak
A sudden tear from nowhere flows


I do not want,
I do not want to live like this
I simply can't
I simply can't forget him, nay
And so she left
To where the tides are ever warm
She found a place
To be with him who loves her so.


I drink for those
Who now have only twenty years
I drink for those
Who left and are no longer here
All those who left
And without meeting their first spring
Returned back home. 
Inside their cold and darkened graves.

Fall

Now, I presume you are not the least curious to read this poem. 'Tis about that same person, from long ago, and was written in 2004. Long time ago, indeed. Still, I sometimes remember some of its verses; for truly it is one of my most honest expressions of the feelings I did not know how to deal with. Never has this work seen the light of day; and perchance is should be left in the shades forever, lest it bring sadness to someone, for sadness was never its objective. In any case, here it is. One of the greatest expressions of my despair and grief of old...

Fall - 11 november 2004

I. Dice

A critical failure or a success?

How can we know, without the dice?

A shattered sword, a fatal blast,

The fire breaking throught the ice...

This life - 'tis just like RPG;

We're players, led by a game master.

His evil plans we cannot see,

We only try to fight disaster.

Yes, we can win; his plans are strange.

He tests us, tries to make us fail;

He oft' succeeds; yet, even failing

Perchance we are success attaining.

Stand still, don't act - your fate is sealed,

A fearful soldier will die.

Remember - games have rules we don't feel,

And act, and fight, try to survive...

II. Mortal scum

A mortal scum that walks on Earth,

A fragile mind, a worthless soul,

A man of deeds and no importance,

A useful nothing - useful slave.

Slave to the world, slave to his love,

Immortal love, the curse eternal.

A fatal blast comes from above,

Destroys the mind and soul of Mortal.

And yet... Destruction often means rebirth,

Rebirth and learning from experience...

III. Abandoned

I miss her, DAMN!... yet from now forth

My faith is far beyond deliverance...

I cannot trust, I  can't believe -

And yet I want to... dice forsaken...

who threw them? Oh, be blessed thee...

For for some turns there's been no failures...

I cannot win this fight alone!

Where's the support that's been expected?!!

After the final strike - alone;

A try to call for help - defeated...

The Sword Eternal - art thou broken?

Hast thou abandoned me? Oh, yeah...

The balrog's wings, the cries of orcs...

The choirs were vast, but now they're mute...

A ray of faith still shines inside me;

"There is no spoon", as Neo said.

There must have been a reason, likely;

Or maybe blindness... other's death...

Perchance indifference, hypocrisy -

But nay, not she... or maybe aye...

Nay, NAY! I won't believe it, mortal!

I'm, stronger... weaker... weaker... ...

I cannot win without support!!!

The armors fails, the spear is broken.

A mortal scum that walks on Earth.

Misleading visions and illusions...

Abandoned... passiveness, betrayal.

Betrayal mustn't active be.

I trusted you!!! Believed!!! gaddammit...

Oh, are you blind or cannot see...?

I'm nothing! NOTHING!... it says everything...

Importance zero, nothing else...

A useful and convenient mortal -

And that is all. Farewell? - we'll see...

Cyberpunk

Algo que eu escrevi em 2004. Este é o único poema que escrevi nas duas línguas, português e inglês; a versão em inglês foi a primeira; ela saiu mais naturalmente, e eu a considero muito melhor do que a em português... As duas versões estão abaixo.
Something I wrote in 2004; 'tis the only poem I wrote in both English and Portuguese, and both versions are presented below. The English version is the original, and is also more of my liking.

Cyberpunk setembro de 2004


É cyberpunk o nosso mundo,

A morte ronda perto...

A mentira jaz tão fundo,

E a beleza é desfeita

A sorte? Um rolar de dado.

A confiança? Já se foi...

'Sperança tenha, sob o fardo

De esperar pelo pior...

Sozinhos na sociedade;

Palavras falsas; honra vã

Hipócrita realidade -

Assim o é, assim será...

Vitória? Algo impossível;

A morte? uma solução...

Fugir? Não, não - inverossímel

Fingir? Quem sabe... Por que não?

O cyberpunk já nos venceu.

Se acostume'ou vai lutando;

Arena, meta-Coliseu -

Atire. Reze. 

    Para o dado.

Cyberpunk september 2004


It's a universe of cyberpunk,
Each day a chance to die
Who needs the techs to lead that life?
We know our life's a lie


Trust no one, least of all yourself
And maybe you'll survive
Expect the worst and hope for best,
Trust luck and throw the dice...


Alone we are, inside society,
A word means nothing, honor's gone
Hipocrisy is our reality
In life and death, we're all alone


We cannot win, yet we can die;
Alone or not, no place to run
A gun to fight and breath to sigh-
Or maybe - maybe - neither one...


To learn the hard way is the way;
To learn it easy - no one can
And cyberpunk is here to stay
Accept or fight - it is our fate

Acima da Águas de Cuiviénen

Este é o primeiro de uma série de poemas tolkienianos... E provavelmente o mais bonito. Curiosamente, o escrevi depois da minha primeira briga séria de namoro; eu estava no primeiro colegial na época, e tinha relido o Silmarillion fazia pouco tempo. Para quem não sabe ou não lembra, Cuiviénen é o lago onde os elfos acordaram pela primeira vez, e para o qual não é mais possível voltar, pois a geografia de Arda foi alterada.


Acima de Águas de Cuiviénen - 8 de outubro de 2003

Andando sozinho na escuridão,

Debaixo do manto da noite eterna;

Estrelas no alto, e pedras no chão

Em volta das águas de Cuiviénen.

O nome de Varda ali não conhecem;

“Gilthoniel, Elbereth!” não se ouve por lá.

Pois nunca A Que Acendeu As Estrelas

Em Cuiviénen pousou o olhar.

Adoram-na, mesmo sem ter conhecido

O seu nome, o seu lugar;

Pois ao despertar e olhar para cima

Viram estrelas brilhando no ar…

Brilhando tão longe… Um brilho intenso…

Por entre’as folhagens, a luz quer passar…

É como se tudo’estivesse imerso

Na luz, mesmo fraca, um tanto astral…

Em Cuiviénen, nas águas calmas,

Os fogos de Varda de novo estão;

E tanto nas águas quanto no alto

Estão muito longe p’ra os alcançar…

“O que será isso?”- os Quendi pensaram;

Respostas não tinham a essa quastão.

“Olhai!”- foi o que eles então exclamaram,

E’o que eles viram não esquercerão…

---

Milênios passaram-se; muito sofreram

Os Eldar, os Avari, do Grande Mal;

E para as águas de Cuiviénen

Não mais é possível, um dia, voltar…

Mas – seja em Aman, Nargothrond, Valfenda –

Enfim, onde’um dia um Quendi passar,-

Jamais poderão esquecer as estrelas

De Cuiviénen, ao despertar…

Unspoken farewells in the silence of dawn...

I believe this to be the poem I took the longest to write, for no less than seven months did it take before being completed. The first two strophes were quick in the making, taking no longer than thirty minutes, and they were already in existence by April of last year. Then a first version of the second part of the poem did I write, yet it was not to my liking. So, during the next months, I thought about the second part of this poem; and only by the end of August of last year was it completed. Two verses at a time did I create, and some of them refer to people or events of great importance in my life.


I have seen battles fought under the stars
Rain falling down from the thickening clouds
Lighting in darkness and fire on the trees
Crimson-red thunder
Destroyer of dreams


Battles were lost, like so many before
Hopes went away, to return nevermore
Under the water the rivers now die
Under the mountains the dwarven lords lie


Under the shadow the sun fades away
Cold, freezing darkness in deafening gray
Voices of friends who have left long ago
Unspoken farewells in the silence of dawn


On roads with no end, walking down through the mist
No signs and no crossroads, just trails paved with weeds
You're nearly blind, and the choice's but your won...
Unspoken farewells in the silence of dawn.